Friday, October 11, 2013

Laughter is always the best medicine, even if you're a vampire

I went into heart failure, in 2009, when I was 26.  I lived with a Lvad ( a left ventricular assist device), which is a battery powered internal pump that did the job of my left ventricle. It was controlled by an external system controller and 2 batteries, which I usually carried in my purse. I liked to say I wasn't sick, just accessorized, it just gave me a good excuse to buy a bunch of new purses.

Another interesting by product of my Lvad is that I was pulseless. The machine didn't go boom boom boom boom, instead it was just a constant flow of blood. This was kind of a funny party trick and my 13 year old cousin thought I was the coolest vampire/cyborg ever. 30 year old men? not so much.

Probably my favourite story is the viagra one. Yes. I do have a viagra story. Viagra's initial usage was to lower the pressure in patient's lungs, what it is marketed for now, was a side effect. I'm not sure if I feel more sorry for the patients during this time, or the nurses. I was on three viagra a day. It did nothing for me, thank God, after 6 weeks in the hospital I was already like, " could I have a male nurse? Oh and a sponge bath? And it would make me more comfortable if you were naked too."

I was leaving the hospital, ordered 80 boxes of Viagra and innocently asked my father to give up my meds for me, " forgetting" to mention what meds they were. My United Church Minister Father walked into the pharmacy and the temp pharmacist said at the top of her lungs " so much Viagra! And so expensive!!" What was he going to say? No.no,no. It's for my daughter?

2 weeks later, they tested my lungs and took me off Viagra, and I simply am not desperate enough to look for a black market.


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