I was diagnosed with a heart condition when I was 18. I didn't tell anyone. I saw it as my greatest weakness. I was angry and shut down and scared. I threw myself into " healthy addictions" like school, and working out and dieting. My world became very small, constructed out of zone blocks, and the numbers that made up my GPA. I was miserable.
I was never supposed to have gone into heart failure. There was only a 1 % chance of it happening. So, when the stomach ache for 8 weeks ended up being a failing heart, I was completely unprepared. But also, there wasn't time for fear. The choice being, do you want this operation or do you want to die is a pretty easy one.
My heart had failed so much that the blood had pooled at the base of it and clotted. It caused 7 strokes. The neurologist told my family I would definitely be blind, unable to speak, paralyzed and wouldn't be eligible for a heart transplant.
So began my work, a step here, a word there. I was diagnosed with Aphasia, which isn't thought to be curable but I kept working. It was a few weeks into speech therapy when I decided the best motivation for me to not give up was to call transplant manitoba and tell them I wanted to do public speaking. And so I spoke about things I never had before. Starting with The Health Report on Cjob, when the host, Greg Mackling took an hour to get to know me first, to hear my story, and then let me tell it on air with such integrity, such honesty. It showed me what media could really provide for people.
I spoke at high schools, to med students and at the launch of signupforlife.ca to almost every tv station out there. The online registry tool was announced just a week after, a young woman, Jessica, had passed away waiting for a heart. I was prepared to answer questions about Jessica.
When asked by CBC Tv, how I felt when I heard Jessica died, I said " I felt terrible, awful, and it real just shows me how we need more awareness about organ donation."
The reporter asked to come to my house to ask me some more questions. I agreed. The conversation went like this,
" Waiting for a heart transplant must be so stressful"
" Actually, it hasn't, I'm so grateful to be alive and healthy, thanks to my lvad"
" Oh, well you must be on a lot of medications"
" Yup, quite a few"
" and they must have a lot of side effects"
" no not really"
When aired, Cbc cut it like this,
" Kristin Mill found out she needed a heart transplant"
It cut to me saying
" I felt terrible, awful."
I was so upset that they would take a quote in which I was talking about another person's death and frame it like I was talking about my own diagnosis. CTV was a little better but opened with " It's too late for one young woman, but it may not be too late for another"
Thats when I decided I wouldn't do anymore TV.
Cbc radio, however, has been such a wonderful support to me. Terry and Marcie had me on the show a couple times and always gave me so much respect and time to tell my story. After one of those interviews I got a email from a young guy who had been having heart trouble but had been too scared to get it checked out. After he heard my interview he went to his doctor. It's for reasons like that that I'm glad I've spoken out even if sometimes it gets misrepresented.
No comments:
Post a Comment